LUNCHTIME OF THE GODS EPISODE 6 – AN ASTRONOMER’S CIRCUS

(It’s night time, and we’re back in Professor LUCY SKYWATCHER’s lecture hall. About 20 of her most dedicated students have gathered for a special meeting. LUCY is standing behind the podium waiting for the group to settle down. BOB and FRED [the two who first saw the star Syracuse disappear] are standing near her, holding a number of rolled up star charts.)

LUCY:

You’ve got a new homework assignment, class.

(BOB and FRED start passing out the charts to their fellow students.)

*****

(On another planet, there is yet another bright, starry night. But here, the sky is different, because there are a lot more stars, and multi-colored sheets of stars – like a close up of the Milky Way. The house is overlooking a city, which is mostly dark, with only a few buildings lit. A man, a woman and a 5 year old girl are wearing ski jackets and looking out the window at the city.)

GIRL:

Why is the night time lasting so long, Daddy?

FATHER:

I don’t know, Cupcake. But if we survive this, you’ll have one heck of a story to tell your grandkids.

*****

(LUCY SKYWATCHER is talking on the phone. We just hear her side of the conversation.)

LUCY:

My students have located fifteen stars that have disappeared since the last chart was made. (pause, then talks much louder). This is a matter of national security. Didn’t you hear me? I said the stars are disappearing! (pause) Hello?

(Whoever she was talking to has hung up. LUCY slams the phone down in disgust.)

*****

(On the planet Alsup, in a hospital operating room, two surgeons and three nurses are involved in a complicated surgery.)

SURGEON:

Pliers.

(The lights dim for a moment, then come back on, but are flickering.)

SURGEON:

Why isn’t the emergency generator kicking in?

NURSE # 1:

The city lost power half an hour ago. We’ve been on the emergency generator since then.

(The lights now go out completely, showing very bright stars shining through a window. The surgeons and nurses are silent for a couple of seconds.)

NURSE # 2:

I’ve got a cigarette lighter.

(She clicks on the lighter and holds it above the patient. The flickering orange flame gives the room an eerie glow.)

*****

(Now we are in an observatory, and there is quite an assorted crowd gathered inside. LUCY is there, wearing her dark blue astronomer’s robe, and seems to be the center of attention. Many of her gray robed students are there too, with BOB and FRED the closest to her. There are also a number of members of the press there too. They are wearing bright sickly yellow robes, decorated with different emblems depending on the type of press they represent. Some robes are adorned with newspapers, some with TVs, some with radios. There are a couple of hippie types there, with long unkempt hair and beads, wearing light green robes adorned with peace symbols and marijuana leaves. A somewhat older, important looking man wearing a black robe adorned with gold textbooks pushes his way through the crowd that’s standing around LUCY.)

OLDER MAN:

Professor Skywatcher! May I have a word with you?

LUCY:

Certainly, Dean Jacobson.

(They step away from the crowd, while BOB and FRED take over the job of amusing the reporters, talking excitedly and making exaggerated motions with their hands to emphasize their points.)

DEAN:

When I hired you to head the astronomy department of this University, I wasn’t expecting you to turn it into a three-ring circus.

LUCY:

Sorry, Dean, but you wouldn’t help me out, and the military just ignored me. So I had to go to the press.

DEAN:

But a press conference is hardly the place to announce a new scientific discovery. You should have presented a paper to the next Astronomer’s Convention.

LUCY:

We can’t wait that long.

DEAN:

You’re really going out on a limb tonight, predicting that a specific star is going to disappear at an exact time, and inviting the public to come watch the spectacle. If you’re wrong, this University will be the laughing stock of academia.

(Their discussion is interrupted by the loud, cheerful voice of a DISK JOCKEY, who seems to have appointed himself as the MC of tonight’s event. He is wearing a green and white striped robe decorated with records – not the new CD’s, but the old black vinyl 12-inch disks, with bulky needle arms.)

DISK JOCKEY:

Well, folks, the time is now 9:42 p.m., which means that the star JB-236 is going to be disappearing in one minute. At least, if Professor Skywatcher’s prediction is correct. Any last minute comments, Professor?

LUCY:

No. Let’s just see what happens.

DISK JOCKEY:

That we will, Professor. Now, as you can see, there are two big screens set up – one over here and one over there. (Pointing to the screens). They are projecting what is being seen through the big telescope over in the dome. And that red star you see in the middle, that’s JB-236, is that correct professor?

LUCY:

(using a long pointer to point at the screen nearest the DJ). No, the red one is Algernon. This dimmer, blue one is JB-236. It’s large as far as stars go, but it shines with less intensity. If it weren’t one of the nearest stars to us, we probably wouldn’t be able to see it at all.

DISK JOCKEY:

Thanks, Professor. Well, that dim blue star should be disappearing right about … (pauses while looking at watch) … Now!

(Nothing happens. There are a few seconds of silence.)

DISK JOCKEY:

Right about … Now!

(Still nothing happens. The crowd is starting to get restless, and starting to mutter. Nothing has happened. Some of them start to leave. The camera man of a TV news crew starts to pack up his camera.)

CAMERA MAN:

What a waste of time.

CAMERA MAN’S ASSISTANT:

We could have been covering the Cilantro festival.

DISK JOCKEY:

Don’t go away now, folks, the evening’s still young, and we’re going to have a dance. Here’s the latest tune from Terry and the Termites.

(He puts on a record. Some of the people start to dance, while others are leaving. A few are chuckling.)

EDITOR’S END NOTE: How and why did Lucy predict wrongly? Will her error cost her the job as Astronomy Professor? More importantly, will it cost her the role of apparent female lead in this piece? More importantly still, will Captain Westonia save the day?