LUNCHTIME OF THE GODS EPISODE 5 – THE NOISY PYRAMID

EDITOR’S SYNOPSIS. Welcome to Episode 5. If you want to know what happened in the first 4 episodes, send a request for a free copy. This story contains enough information to let you follow the action in this episode. Except that CAPTAIN WESTONIA is the brightly-clad superb-hero™ of the Free States of Westonia (on a planet simply known as “The Planet”), who, in a prior episode, made a daring rescue of two hostages held by a deranged Gunman. And, that the Captain’s secret identity is JUDAS ARMSTRONG. There. That’s enough to fill you in. Now for the story.

(We are again in outer space, first in a field of stars, then over the planet we saw before that looks a bit like earth but has a higher land-water ratio. We swish down through the atmosphere and are high above a part of the continent covered with mountains, deserts and forests. We slow down as we go over a forested area decorated with tall and weirdly shaped red rocks that tower above the trees. The purity of the landscape is not marred by any roads, lumber mills, power lines, or any other artifacts of man – until we come to a massive white pyramid, that arises from a wide flat expanse between two ridges of red mountains. As we get closer to the pyramid, we become aware of its true size, when we see that the parking lots surrounding it are filled with thousands of tiny cars.)

(Atop the pyramid, an enormous three-colored flag sways majestically in the breeze. Its largest, middle stripe is bright yellow, its left stripe green and its right stripe red. These are the same colors of Captain Westonia’s uniform. Could this be the flag of the Westonian Free States that his uniform was modeled after?)

(We get closer to the pyramid and then are inside, going down a set of steps, to a green playing field where a football game is in progress. The team with the ball is known as THE NOISE, and are wearing hot pink helmets and jerseys, with chartreuse pants. They try a run up the middle which is good for a two yard gain. The defensive team, THE POLAR BEARS, are wearing the simplest, least colorful uniforms imaginable. Their helmets are white, with white helmets, jerseys and pants, with only a very small amount of navy blue trim. Judging by the high percentage of the crowd that are wearing pink and/or chartreuse, the NOISE must be the home team.)

(The best view in this pyramid shaped stadium is no doubt from the spacious and luxurious owner’s box, above the 50-yard line. In that box are UNCLE FELIX and AUNT AGATHA, both wearing pink windbreakers with chartreuse and purple trim. AGATHA, looking through binoculars and cheering encouragement to the offense, is still wearing too much gold and diamond jewelry for the occasion.)

(Walking up an aisle to the owner’s box is JUDAS ARMSTRONG, who is of a non- descript age, possibly the mid 30’s, average height, very skinny, with neatly trimmed dark hair that isn’t combed quite right and a pencil thin mustache. As usual, he is not dressed quite like the rest of the crowd – a light gray pinstriped suit, an off-white shirt, and a floral tie. He’s not wearing a pink cap or windbreaker to support the home team, but at least is wearing a big pink carnation in his lapel. He reaches the owner’s box. FELIX stands to shake his hand, AGATHA hugs him.)

FELIX:

Glad you could make it, Armstrong.

AGATHA:

Oh, I’m so happy to see you again, Judas dear. Didn’t Captain Westonia do just a marvelous job last night? That was such a touching scene when the whole family came out with him to meet the police and they were all hugging.

JUDAS:

Thanks.

FELIX:

Yup, the Captain did OK. Could have been a bit more dramatic, though.

AGATHA:

Now, dear, don’t give him a hard time. He did a good job. The sales of our Captain Westonia merchandise are up today.

(There is a close-up of a Captain Westonia action-figure posed on the rail around the owner’s box, wearing the same uniform as the real Captain Westonia, but with a physique that’s quite a bit more muscular.)

FELIX:

Yeah, well it’s down from this time last year.

JUDAS:

I’ll try to do something more dramatic next time.

(A VENDOR is coming up the aisle.)

FELIX:

Have a beer, Armstrong?

JUDAS:

Sure.

(FELIX motions to the VENDOR who hands them two beers then takes FELIX’S money. VENDOR starts to make change.)

FELIX:

(To Vendor) Keep the change.

(This is a larger tip than the VENDOR is used to getting.)

VENDOR:

(Face very bright) Gee, thanks, mister!

AGATHA:

(To Judas) How are you enjoying the game, Judas dear?

JUDAS:

Very exciting! Has anyone scored a home run yet?

AGATHA:

(laughing) Oh, Judas, you have such a sense of humor.

(Uncle Felix is now working intently on a laptop computer.)

JUDAS:

It’s not everyone who brings a computer to the hockey arena.

(FELIX is happy for the opportunity to demonstrate his new toy to JUDAS.)

FELIX:

The whole ceiling of this stadium is like one giant monitor screen, and I can make it show anything I want.

(FELIX points at the ceiling, which is sky blue, and shaded like a real sky might be.)

FELIX:

Right now, it’s a clear sunny day. But I can make it partly cloudy.

(With a couple of clicks of the mouse, a few clouds appear in the light blue sky.)

FELIX:

I can make it stormy.

(With a few more clicks, some storm clouds show up in one corner of the stadium ceiling.)

FELIX:

I can even make a plane fly over.

(A comical cartoon rendition of an oversized, archaic World War One style biplane comes flying over in an irregular pattern, more like a bumble bee than an airplane. Abruptly it stops, as if the picture is frozen, then it fades out, leaving the whole sky blue again. A number of people in the crowd laugh. Felix is disgusted.)

FELIX:

Of course, it still has some bugs to work out.

(AGATHA takes this opportunity to change the subject.)

AGATHA

(To Judas): Tell me, Judas dear, how do you know when your services are required?

JUDAS:

Huh? What do you mean?

AGATHA:

How did you know you were supposed to show up on this planet when you were needed to save that family last night? How do you know when you have to handle some emergency on another planet?

JUDAS:

The sword lets me know.

(FELIX emits a loud guffaw.)

FELIX

(Chuckling): That’s rich! The sword let’s you know! Like it has a mind of its own. Does it talk?

JUDAS:

No, but it has ways of communicating with me.

AGATHA:

How does it communicate?

JUDAS:

Very subtle ways. We’ve developed sort of a rapport. It talks to me in ways that no one else would notice.

(Suddenly a bright blue light shines through Judas’ suit coat.)

JUDAS

(To the source of the light): Not now!

(A bright orange light shines through his coat.)

JUDAS:

Ouch! Be quiet! Can’t you see I’m watching a baseball game?

AGATHA:

Football, dear.

FELIX

(chuckling again): Is this one of those subtle communications?

JUDAS:

Yes. It was trying to get my attention. I told it to wait til after the game.

(JUDAS pauses for a couple of seconds to see if there are any more flashes of light. There aren’t. Judas leans back and relaxes.)

JUDAS:

You just gotta let it know who’s boss.

(The sword isn’t quite ready to admit that Judas is the boss. A shining blue blade slices from the inside through the left side of his jacket. Then the back of the jacket. Then the right side. Then the front, until the jacket is in shreds.)

JUDAS:

I just bought this suit!

(As a final gesture, the sword slices off JUDAS’S pink carnation.)

JUDAS:

Sorry, but I think my services are needed elsewhere.

AGATHA:

Well, good luck, dear.

FELIX:

Drop by anytime, Armstrong!

(JUDAS walks hurriedly up the aisle. People get out of his way as the glowing blade continues to shred his jacket and has now started on his pants. He reaches the area where the restrooms and concession stands are, looks for a private area but decides he doesn’t have time to find one. He reaches inside what’s left of his jacket, grabs the handle of the sword, now glowing with a green light, and it unfolds to its full size — about three feet long and two or three inches wide. Onlookers make startled comments and give him room. JUDAS makes a few strokes through the air and slices a hole in space. He steps through the hole, which closes behind him, leaving no evidence that he was ever there in the first place.)

ONLOOKER:

Whoa! Guess he didn’t like the game!

EDITOR’S END NOTE: Where is Judas off to now? Will he find another Captain Westonia uniform? Will the Noise survive the Polar Bears’ ice cold defense? What does any of this have to do with the disappearing suns described in earlier episodes? Join us again in 7 to 17 days!