LUNCHTIME OF THE GODS EPISODE 3 – CAPTAIN WESTONIA DOES SOMETHING HEROIC

LUNCHTIME OF THE GODS
EPISODE 3 – CAPTAIN WESTONIA DOES SOMETHING HEROIC
By Doug Crowder

EDITOR’S INTRO: Here we are with Episode 3 of no-telling-how many. Here’s what you need to know about the action so far. In the first episode, the sun orbited by the Planet Alsup disappeared, leaving its inhabitants in the cold and dark and listening to even-more-disturbing-than-usual newscasts. In the second episode, CAPTAIN WESTONIA, the brightly-clad superb-hero™ of the Free States of Westonia (on a planet simply known as “The Planet”) sets out to rescue the WIFE and DAUGHTER being held hostage by a deranged GUNMAN.

(Meanwhile, in the apartment referred to earlier, the GUNMAN is pointing a rifle at his WIFE and DAUGHTER huddled in a corner of the room.)

GUNMAN: I’m not responsible for this. It’s my genetic makeup. My parents sexually molested me. My teachers stifled my individuality.

(Gunman is ready to pull trigger. Wife and Daughter are crying. Behind them, on the other side of the room, a greenish white glowing hole in space materializes close to the ceiling, above a big screen TV. Those of you who read the last episode may deduce that this hole was sliced by the magic sword of CAPTAIN WESTONIA, who now steps through this hole. Or, more accurately, falls through it, right into the big screen TV, which falls over with quite a racket. Gunman is startled by this unholy sound, as are his Wife and Daughter. WESTONIA slowly picks himself up from the floor and dusts off some of the remains of the TV, groaning and rubbing his back, as if to determine whether he is still in one piece or not.)

DAUGHTER: Look, mommy, it’s Captain Westonia!

WIFE: Yes, it’s Captain Westonia, dear. We’re saved!

(Gunman points his rifle at Westonia.)

DAUGHTER: Daddy! Don’t shoot Captain Westonia.

WESTONIA: Pay attention to your daughter, Mike.

GUNMAN: Ted.

WESTONIA: Put down the gun, Ted.

(Gunman sticks the rifle into Westonia’s somewhat sunken chest.)

GUNMAN: Sorry, Captain Westonia, but I got to do this.

WESTONIA: Come on, Ted, you don’t want to hurt anybody. Come with me, and we’ll get you some real help – without drugs or psycho-babble.

(Gunman hesitates, then drops the rifle, and starts crying.)

GUNMAN: Oh, Captain Westonia. I had no idea you cared about me.

(Gunman, sobbing profusely, wraps his arms around Westonia, crying on his shoulder. Wife and Daughter join in the hug, wrapping their arms around both Westonia and Gunman. Westonia, a bit embarrassed and uneasy by all this affection, pats Gunman on the back.)

WESTONIA: Captain Westonia cares about all the people of …. (pause). What’s the name of this country again?

EDITOR’S NOTE: Since this was a short episode, we’re going to give you a special deal! Two for the price of one! Here’s Episode 4.