SNARLY 2084 – EPISODE 1: A NOT-SO-RUDE AWAKENING

SNARLY 2084
EPISODE 1: A NOT-SO-RUDE AWAKENING
By Doug Crowder

(We are in the spacious living room of a 6-bedroom mansion, location unknown. GLEN, an average fellow about age 35, is sleeping on a couch. Two other people, a man and a woman, in their 50s, named MURK and YUBA, are seated in another couch, facing GLEN, watching him.)

MURK: He’s starting to wake up.

(Glen moves a little bit, opens 1 eye, then both. Looks around.)

YUBA: Good morning, Glen.

GLEN: Where am I?

MURK: You’ve been asleep for awhile. You’re in your new home. I’m Murk.

YUBA: And I’m Yuba.

MURK: You can call us Uncle Murk and Aunt Yuba, if you like.

(Glen stands up, looks around.)

GLEN: Nice place you got here. Where are we?

MURK: We’re in the mountains above Los Angeles. Not too far away from your last place.

GLEN: How did I get here?

YUBA: We’ll explain everything. All in good time. Would you like some water? Or some coffee?

GLEN: Both, thanks.

YUBA: How do you like your coffee?

GLEN: A little cream, no sugar.

MURK: (Raising his voice a bit and turning his head toward the kitchen.) Snarly! You heard the man!

(A sweet woman’s voice answers from no apparent location.)

SNARLY: Yes sir, one moment, please.

(Glen looks around, wondering where Snarly’s voice came from. Then his attention shifts to a strange device coming into the room. A flat wooden tray, about the size of a TV table is walking on 3 thin metal legs. It moves quickly, quietly and smoothly, without spilling a drop. It stops in front of Glen with the tray above his lap, presenting a 16.9 oz bottle of chilled water, and a cup of hot coffee, light cream, no sugar.)

GLEN: Wow! How did you do that?

MURK: There have been a few advances in technology since you were last awake.

GLEN: How long has that been?

YUBA: First, Glen, tell us what you remember.

(Glen pauses for a few seconds, thinking.)

GLEN: I lived in the North Hollywood — that’s part of Los Angeles. The doctor said I had an untreatable disease. Only 6 months to live.

(Glen seems like he has a startling revelation.)

GLEN: Did I die? Is this heaven?

(Murk and Yuba laugh.)

YUBA: Well, Glen, some people might call this Paradise. But it isn’t the after-life. You have quite a few more years before you have to worry about that.

MURK: What else do you remember?

GLEN: The doctor offered me a new type of treatment. Something that was experimental. No guarantees I’d survive it, but I didn’t have anything to lose. He was going to put me in suspended animation until some future time when there might be a cure.

(Glen pauses, like he has another revelation.)

GLEN: I’m in the future now? Is there a cure?

MURK: You’ve already been cured. Our doctors took care of you while you were asleep. You’ve got a clean bill of health.

GLEN: That’s great! Thank you!

YUBA: You’re welcome. Though we’re not the ones to thank.

GLEN: What year is this?

YUBA: This is 2084. You’ve been asleep for more than 50 years!

GLEN: Wow! I bet a lot has changed.

MURK: Quite a bit. But you’ll find out about that in good time.

GLEN: Who are you folks, anyway?

MURK: Like I said, we’re your Uncle Murk and Aunt Yuba. You’re going to be living with us for awhile. We’ve been assigned to take care of you and help you get adjusted into your new life.

GLEN: Well, thanks. I appreciate you taking me on.

YUBA: Would you like some breakfast? I bet you’re hungry. You haven’t eaten in more than 50 years.

GLEN: Sure.

YUBA: What would you like?

GLEN: Whatever you’re going to have will be fine with me.

YUBA: No, Glen, this is a special day for you. Pick anything you’d like.

(Glen thinks for a moment.)

GLEN: All right. 2 scrambled eggs, a country fried steak with white gravy, and 2 biscuits.

(Yuba raises her voice a bit and turns her head toward the kitchen.)

YUBA: Snarly, what is a “country fried steak?”

SNARLY: A slice of cow meat, pounded and flattened, then breaded and fried to a crispy golden brown.

YUBA: Can you make one of those?

SNARLY: Of course, madam! I have a complete catalog of discontinued dishes!

YUBA: (to Glen) Breakfast will be here in a few minutes.

(Glen walks around a bit, looking at the furniture and decorations in the mansion.)

GLEN: This is a great place you’ve got. You must be pretty well-to-do.

MURK: What do you mean by “well-to-do?”

GLEN: I mean that you must be well off financially. Rich.

MURK: I guess you could say we’re “well-to-do.” We’re fortunate to have all we need.

GLEN: Back in my day, a place like this would have cost several million. How much does it cost now, if you don’t mind me asking?

MURK: Sorry, but I’m not quite following you. What do you mean by “cost?”

GLEN: Cost means how much money you pay for something.

MURK: What’s “money?”

GLEN: Here, I’ll show you some.

(Glen tries to reach for his wallet, but finds it isn’t there.)

GLEN: I don’t seem to have my wallet anymore. But money is what you pay when you want to buy something.

MURK: Now, I don’t know what you mean by “buy.” Snarly can you help me out?

SNARLY: At your service, sir. Things were more complicated when Glen was last awake. In those days, people couldn’t get what they wanted just by asking for it. Back then, if you wanted something — such as food or clothes or a place to live — you had to get it from someone else who had whatever you wanted. To get it, you would have to pay something called “money.” That was called “buying.”

YUBA: What did this “money” look like?

SNARLY: It started out being pieces of stone, then round pieces of metal, then it became pieces of paper, and finally it was just numbers stored in computers.

YUBA: Wow! That’s complicated. We should have taken a course in ancient economics before Glen woke up.

SNARLY: That’s ok. I’m here to help if you have any more questions.

YUBA: Thanks, Snarly.

GLEN: It sounds like you don’t have money anymore. How do you get what you want if you don’t buy it?

YUBA: That’s simple. We just ask Snarly.

GLEN: You ask Snarly?

MURK: Yes, she gets us anything we want.

GLEN: So, you asked Snarly for this mansion, and she gave it to you?

MURK: We didn’t ask, actually. Snarly knew where we would be happy living, and she assigned us this place.

GLEN: Assigned you this place? So, you don’t really own it?

MURK: I’m not sure what you mean by “own.”

GLEN: If you own something, it’s yours. You have title to it. No one else can take it.

MURK: Well, we definitely own this place. No one else can live here or take this place from us. Not without Snarly’s permission.

(A bell rings softly and three little tables on thin metal legs come trotting in.)

YUBA: Ah, here comes breakfast, let’s table this discussion for awhile. So to speak.

EDITOR’S END NOTE:
That’s all for today! We realize this episode leaves a lot of questions unanswered. Such as what did Glen do for a living? What will be his new profession? Does he still wear a bolo tie? One or more of these questions may or may not be answered in the next episode. But join us anyway, just in case!